Coaching Column: Don't tolerate it!

Dear Sam,

I read a lot of your articles and I wanted to contact you to see if you might be able to assist me professionally. I work in Barcelona as a tour guide, but I’m currently frustrated with the company I work for. While we are all freelancers, we are basically treated as employees. The tours are free and based on tips, part of which goes back to the company as a ‘marketing fee’, which varies based on the sales of other tours.I have done this kind of work for years in other cities but I’m finding the inconsistency of my daily wage a bit challenging. My partner and I have talked about relocating and working in the same sector in the UK or Ireland, but it makes no sense without a clear-cut vision. If I can stay in Barcelona for at least a year, I would be able to maximise my potential as a guide and leave a good legacy. Any advice would be appreciated.

Thanks in advance, The Frustrated One

Hi Frustrated One,

I think you’ve highlighted part of the issue when you mention having a ‘clear-cut vision’. While reading your letter, I was wondering why this question has arisen now, and what’s really bothering you? As a professional guide who’s worked across other cities, why are you grappling with this now and what is it that you’re ultimately trying to ‘fix’? Is this the first time you’ve worked with a pay scheme that provides an inconsistent income?

You say that you’d like to remain in Barcelona and make it work. What would make it easier for that to happen? More importantly, what is really at the heart of the issue? Is this about the company you’re working for, or the instability of your income and, subsequently, your life?

For example, are you dissatisfied with the way your company is run? Are you looking for a job with a stable monthly income so you know exactly how much you’ll be making each month? Or is there something else?

The other question worth exploring is the vision you have for yourself and your future. What’s important to you right now in your life? Grab a piece of paper, go for a drink and write down everything that comes to mind. Don’t overthink it, just write things down in a stream of consciousness. The better you’re able to understand what matters to you, the easier it will be to make important decisions.

Finally, I would like you to try an exercise called ‘Tolerations’ to uncover the root of your frustration. Frustration is rarely an emotion that appears by itself—it’s usually linked to a host of other feelings, often stemming from anger and usually implying that there are a lot of things that you’re tolerating, but not fully enjoying, in your life. We often tolerate more than we think, and this impacts our ability to envisage a clear path for the future and move forward in a productive, meaningful way. 

Tolerations

• Write down a list of the things you’re currently tolerating in all aspects of your life—things you’re ‘putting up with’, but don’t enjoy.
• Look through the list and see if there is anything that you can remove, reduce, fix, resolve or do differently.
• Keep the list and come back to it every week or every two weeks with the aim of cutting it down until there’s nothing, or very little, left. 

Sam Mednick is a professional life and executive coach based in Barcelona (blueprintcoaching.ca). A Canadian native, she’s been living in the city for eight years working with companies as well as individuals focusing on transitions, communication, leadership training, time management and productivity, as well as emotional intelligence development. For more coaching tips, tune into her podcast.