Coaching Column: Clear mind, clear decisions
SAM SAYS: Clear mind, clear decisions
Dear Sam,
I’m trying not to be so calculated with my decision-making. I’m not a rash or impulsive person, which I think has served me well throughout my 40-plus years. That said, I’m starting to feel like I’m missing out on life. Instead of diving into things head first or taking on new challenges, I spend so much time weighing up the pros and cons that I often end up doing nothing. I’m not inactive, I just think I’d be exposed to more and learn more if I was able to go with the flow. We only live once and I don’t want to spend half my time contemplating if I’m making the right choices. However, I worry that if I think less, I’ll make decisions that might backfire or have negative consequences. Do you have any advice on how to let go a little—or a lot?
Yours in contemplative procrastination,
Trying to embrace the YOLO (you only live once)
Hi Trying to embrace the YOLO,
The first thought that springs to my mind is: Why are you thinking about this now? As you said, being calculated has served you well for more than 40 years, so I wonder what has triggered you to start thinking this way. What would being less cautious do for you? Once you can answer this question, you’ll have a better idea of what a shift to the YOLO way of life might look like. The more clarity you have as to what you want to achieve, the easier it will be to focus your efforts.
The next question is: What would make it easier for you to be less calculating? We’re all hardwired to deal with things in certain ways. This doesn’t mean that we can’t change; it just means that we have particular reactions to things and if we want to do things differently, it takes deliberate effort.
Try to figure out what will allow you to ponder less and make decisions in a more carefree manner. Some people feel more confident knowing they have a plan B if things don’t work out. Others give themselves one night to sleep on an idea and force themselves to make a choice in the morning. Unfortunately, there’s no ‘one size fits all’ solution for your dilemma. However, there are a few techniques that can help you in the decision-making process.
1. Create ‘focused unfocused’ time. There’s a reason so many of us have great ideas in the shower. It’s because we’re not focusing on anything in particular while shampooing our hair. Our minds are allowed to wander, and it’s during that time that we’re the most open to ideas and lateral ways of thinking. When we focus too much on the decision at hand, we restrict ourselves and don’t see all the possibilities.
2. Quiet the noise. Physical and mental clutter makes it difficult to think clearly. Go out for a walk, disconnect and switch up the environment. To further reduce mental noise, strip away everyone else’s views on the matter, shelve anything else you’re thinking about and just focus on yourself.
3. Go through the process. We often work things up so much in our heads that we overcomplicate the situation. Sometimes what helps is to start going through the motions of making a decision, while being conscious as to how it makes you feel. If everything feels okay, you know you’re doing the right thing.
Sam Mednick is a professional life and executive coach based in Barcelona (blueprintcoaching.ca). A Canadian native, she’s been living in the city for eight years working with companies as well as individuals focusing on transitions, communication, leadership training, time management and productivity, as well as emotional intelligence development. For more coaching tips, tune into her podcast.