"This Is Not Me"

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This Is Not Me, Jeyan Kader Gülşen, Zekiye Kaçak (Turkey, 2022)

This is Not Me tells the story of Turkish gay men who had to marry women to hide their sexual orientation in the face of societal and family pressure, and their own internal conflicts. Mustafa, Mehmet and Yusuf, migrated to Istanbul from small towns, exhausted from continually playing at social roles and lying about their identity, faltering between their reality and their dreams. Mehmet and Yusuf, both married to women, act as heterosexual and family men within their social circles. But privately, they are passionately in love with their male lovers and can only live their truth within the parallel lives they have built with them. Mustafa is Mehmet’s lover of 15 years. He describes Mehmet as a “homophobic homosexual” and, during the first years of their relationship, Mehmet in fact abused Mustafa because of his own guilt. Mustafa tries now to put this passionate but equally traumatic relationship in the past, but Mehmet has no desire to let go of Mustafa…

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