Finding Your Feet on Shaky Ground

Struggling to find your "new normal"? Psychotherapist Isa Soler shares with us ways to relieve the tension that can build up during these days of confinement.

Walking home from the grocery store today was a quiet and sparse experience. The streets, usually buzzing with mid-day lunch-goers carrying the ubiquitous loaf of bread, was empty except for the occasional dog walker, also carrying bread.

In the past few weeks the world has shifted and our idea of the common day experience has changed. Out of necessity or intuition, we have become aware of the connectedness of our species, of the intrinsic nature of our actions and our movements across the planet as it binds us to one another, without our permission at times. Some weeks ago, this awareness of the link between us felt like a wave, beginning somewhere on the planet, undulating across it going both east and west at the same time. Our connectedness has never felt clearer.

As the days progress and most of us find ourselves bound to the spaces of our home, the usual outlets and channels for social, professional and personal interactions become narrower or disappear altogether. We connect virtually and conduct most of our business from tapping the keys on our devices and limit our physical contact to our pets and to those, if any, who share our beds.

Embrace the Opportunity

The excitement, opportunity and uncertainty of the changes in our world are palpable as most of us grapple to make sense of it all, we find ourselves involuntarily projecting to a “business as usual” future. Despite the needed rest our bodies might have craved for months prior, the fact that this inactivity has been imposed on us sits uncomfortably, like a handbrake pulled in a moving car.

So now what? Here we are—our circles have narrowed, our projects and range of movement contracted, but our minds race on. This combination can be both very activating and destabilizing; thoughts clamor and rattle within what seems to be a closed system. The uncertainty of the current situation, the insecurities surrounding the shifting structures of our economy and professional life can create increased anxiety and feelings of instability. Fortunately, there are things we can do. Although learning to see the “silver lining” at this time may not come easily for many, it is something that, with practice, we can train ourselves to see. 

However inconvenient and troubling this moment is for us, we can find ways to experience it as an opportunity. We can use this time to reflect, to explore channels and outlets previously unexplored. I invite you to begin this process of learning to see the opportunities in our collective contraction. Begin by creating a practice that offers a flexible consistency; a reminder of the continuity of life is important right now. Simplicity and variety in your practice are best, to spur your interest in the beginning and keep you engaged in the longer term. Doing any of these suggestions for even a minute is capable of creating a needed shift. 

Stretch, Move, Breathe

It could be as simple as using some of the extra time you have now to stretch, massage, rotate, shake and move your body. Start slowly at first and then with more vigor; it will make you feel alert and awake minutes after practicing. Spend a couple of minutes doing breathing exercises. Breathe in through your nose slowly for three seconds and out for five, or any other ratio in which the exhale is longer than the inhale. This will invite your nervous system to slow and allow you to find your balance during the shaky moments. Practicing other breathing techniques such as alternate nostril breathing, belly breathing and it's more energetic version, breath of fire, can lower your stress levels, lower your blood pressure, reduce anxiety and help you release some of your body’s built-up tension.  

Observe, Connect

Practice becoming aware of the thoughts that might be bothering you right now. Notice them and imagine being able to see them just outside of you, as you would see them in a movie or a screen and create a neutral response. Instead of reacting with fear, anger or sadness generated out of habit, practice connecting to your breath, making it deeper and stronger and allowing that moment to pass. The next time the thoughts come around, repeat this response again. With time and practice, the neurology of reactivity that has been the default response to these thoughts will change, leaving you free to respond from a current place of experience instead of from a fixed past of habitual narrative. 

Dance to your music of choice and observe which parts of you are ready to release the tension and stored in your body and which parts are still tight. Move, breath and imagine putting this tightness in bundles that lift themselves up to the sky. Imagine the bundles of tightness rising like balloons that float and slowly disappear into the clouds. 

Record, Remember, Share

Explore ways to put symbols, colors, music, movement and words to your experience right now; write lists of all the things you want to learn and all the ones you want to teach. Explore the ways in which this experience is changing you and what you would like to remember once it’s passed. Write letters to yourself to remind you what this time was like and invite others to letter opening and reading parties once we can meet out in the world again. Offer words of hope to anyone who wants to listen. Play dress up with your children or even with yourself, recreating previous times as well as those that are still to come. 

Remind yourself with as many ways as possible that this is what life is offering right now and despite whatever we may think or feel about it, it will continue to move and change. Remind yourself that when this is all over, when we are out on the streets again, celebrating and greeting each other, this experience will have made us wiser, and stronger, with wider views and closer links to the world that we all share.

Isa Soler is a US trained and licensed psychotherapist specializing in trauma related issues currently practicing in Barcelona. She enjoys living and working in this part of Catalunya as well as discovering, experiencing and documenting the changing nature of our world. You can connect with Isa on LinkedIn and read her blog at: expattherapybarcelona.com.