Coaching Column: Emotional intelligence
Sam Mednick is a professional Life and Executive Coach based in Barcelona (www.blueprintcoaching.ca). A Canadian native, she’s been living in the city for eight years working with companies as well as individuals focusing on transitions, communication, leadership training, time management and productivity as well as emotional intelligence development. For more coaching tips, tune into her Podcast.
SAM SAYS: To seem emotionally intelligent, you have to be emotionally intelligent
Dear Sam,
I’ve been reading a lot about managers being more inclined to hire people who have a heightened emotional intelligence. I have an interview for a startup in Barcelona next week and as much as I want to make sure I sound smart, I’d love to showcase my ‘emotional skills’ as well. I’m just not sure how to go about it. I guess what I’m wondering is how do you convey to people that you’re emotionally gifted? Any tips that might help for my upcoming interview are greatly appreciated.
Thanks so much,
Emotionally Curious
Hi Emotionally Curious,
It’s a great question. Emotional intelligence is one of my favourite topics and you’re right in that it’s quite in vogue right now, especially with regards to professional development and career growth. The best way to be perceived as being emotionally intelligent is to actually possess emotional intelligence. So I’d say the first place to start is to better understand what emotional intelligence looks like.
There are several definitions and I’d refer you to Daniel Goleman, ‘godfather’ of the movement, for a more clinical explanation.
In a nutshell, however, having a high EQ means being able to identify and control your emotions. One of the biggest differentiators between people whose emotional intelligence is highly developed and those whose isn’t, is the ability to name and identify your emotions in the moment. This means being able to stop yourself mid-sentence and realise: “I’m being defensive right now” or “I’m projecting my anger”. This is extremely hard, yet if you can master it, you’ll be able to have more control over the situation, your behaviour and ultimately your life.
Doing this takes a lot of practice and is only one piece of the emotional intelligence puzzle.
Other areas include empathy and knowing how to calm yourself down—otherwise known as self-soothing techniques. It’s a lot to take in, so while you’re working on the above for your interview, here are a few key things you can do (before and during) that might help enhance that air of emotional intelligence:
1: Ask yourself what you’re feeling: Several times a day, stop and ask yourself in the moment what you’re feeling. Name and identify the emotion and then move on. This gets you into the habit of checking in with your emotions when you’re calm, so that when you find yourself in a heated situation, you’ll be more inclined to stop and reflect, rather than react rashly.
2: Listen: Listening is connected to empathy. It’s been said that only two percent of the population listens properly and if you’re able to be part of that two percent, you’ll make a lasting impression on whoever you meet. If you want to stand out in this interview, listen intently, listen with an open mind and take yourself out of the equation. This will allow you to ‘hear between the lines’ and will give you greater insight into the situation and the person you’re speaking to.
3: Roll with it: Emotionally intelligent people are able to deal with stress and unplanned situations. No matter what happens with the interview, if it’s running late, if they throw you off with a question or if something unexpected happens—just go with it. Breathe, smile and have fun! The latter being something we often forget but makes a world of difference.
To share your thoughts on this column or ask Sam a question email sam@blueprintcoaching.ca, or write to Metropolitan at editorial@barcelona-metropolitan.com