Illustration by Anna Baxter.
SAM SAYS: Scrap the New Year’s resolutions
Dear Sam,
This may be an unoriginal query, but 2018 has barely begun and 50 percent of my resolutions have already fallen by the wayside. It happens every year; January 1st arrives and I’m motivated and excited to make changes in my life, but several weeks go by, ‘real life’ takes over and I fall back into the same old routines and the same bad habits. Last year, I did ‘dry January’ (no alcohol for the whole month), but as soon as the month was over I fell back into old patterns. This isn’t about my alcohol consumption (although I’m sure that could be reduced); I want to know how to not only stick to my plan, but also to make it sustainable, rather than giving it my all for a short time and then nothing for the remaining 11 months of the year. Any help would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks so much,
Craving Sustainable Change
Hi Craving Sustainable Change,
A recent article in The New York Times (‘The Only Way to Keep Your Resolutions’ by David DeSteno) reported that by January 8th, 25 percent of resolutions have fallen by the wayside and that by the end of the year, fewer than 10 percent have been maintained. As you can see, you’re not alone!
According to DeSteno, “The problem of New Year’s resolutions is, in a way, the problem of life itself. Our tendency to be shortsighted—to value the pleasures of the present more than the satisfactions of the future—comes at a considerable cost.” This isn’t to say that you’re being short-sighted: it’s human nature. A year ago, someone else wrote in with a similar question and I gave them some tips for how to implement and keep your resolutions. This year, however, I’m going to suggest something different: Scrap the resolutions altogether.
Waiting for a single day out of the whole year to change so many things and start afresh is daunting and unrealistic. We dream so big for one night a year and then when we return to our daily routine, the enormity of what we’ve promised ourselves can be intimidating to the point of inaction. If you want to create sustainable change, try swapping the resolutions for some of the following options.
1. Regular check-ins. Schedule uninterrupted time every week to make sure you’re on track. You can also use this time to monitor progress towards certain goals. Ask yourself, did I do my best to: set clear goals? make progress in achieving my goals? find meaning? be happy? build positive relationships? be fully engaged? You can use these questions, or others that resonate more with you, but the overall idea is to stay on top of things, rather than waiting for one day at the end of the year to act.
2. Connect with your feelings. This sounds cheesy, but it’s one of the most practical tools you can use. My coach used to tell me that, in life, feelings drive the bus. The problem is that if we don’t know what we’re feeling, it’s hard to steer the bus in the right direction—one that makes the most sense for our lives. Being able to identify your feelings is one of the pillars of emotional intelligence. So try stopping two to three times a day and ask yourself: What am I feeling right now? Name the emotion and then move on. You don’t have to act on it, the idea is to get into the habit of being more in tune with yourself and your emotions. This will allow you to better focus your life and live the change you want to see.
Sam Mednick is a professional life and executive coach based in Barcelona (blueprintcoaching.ca). A Canadian native, she’s been living in the city for eight years working with companies and individuals focusing on transitions, communication, leadership training, time management and productivity, as well as emotional intelligence development. For more coaching tips, tune into Sam’s podcast.